i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
