Whod you bang
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
