Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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