If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
