On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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