I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
