I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
