The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
