I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so let's talk penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize