He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
