Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
