i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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