Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
