It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
