he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
