I heard we made out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
