I hope mine doesn't look like that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
