Can i not drive my cunt home
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
