i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
