I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
