just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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