you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
