Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
