There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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