I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
