I love black thongs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
