DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
