Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
