Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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