I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
