Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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