I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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