It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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