Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
