I'm so fucking centered right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
