Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
