he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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