He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
