I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
