you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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