I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
