I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
