chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
