I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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