I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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