Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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