Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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