Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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