Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
