Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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