THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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