Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
