Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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