I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize