i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
