Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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