Sry I called you an 8
how can u be prego again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
