failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
