just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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