If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
