this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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