It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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