for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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