fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dear god my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
