so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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