did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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