Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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