I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
