Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize