Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
